Too Late to Add…Too Later For Pat.

A knock sounds at the department door, once again after hours. Pat has turned the light off and is shutting down for the night. The student spots Pat through the window and is staring.

Pat attempts to make as little movement as possible hoping that the student will just go away.

The student continues to stare.

Pat gets up makes Pat’s way toward the rear exit.

The student begins to knock.

Really??? You see me leaving. Pat thinks.

Pat cracks the door hoping that the small opening will encourage the student to make it quick. “Can I help you?” Pat attempts to force some friendliness…

“Yeah…I need to get into a class.” The student is barking up the wrong tree. The semester started three weeks ago.

“I’m sorry that’s no longer a possibility.” Pat informs.

“So….I can’t add the class?” The student is putting it together quickly now.

“No you can’t. If you wanted to add the class you would have had to do it by last week. Now you have passed the last day to add,” It makes sense to Pat- why does Pat have to repeat the same thing so many times?

“But I went to the class today and…“

Pat doesn’t have time for this, “Nope. Sorry.”

“I’ve attended the class and-“

“You still can’t add it,” Just because the University does not place guards at the entrance of every classroom to verify student enrollment does not mean that students can walk into any class they want and then demand that they be let in because they have been attending- despite the fact that it is full. They can attend all they want- they aren’t getting credit for the course unless they ate properly enrolled.

The student is still opening his mouth to protest but he should be saving his breath. The office is closed, it’s too late to add and Pat doesn’t care.

Pat closes the door and uses the rear exit.

Can I Use A Stapler?

We join Pat once again in the department after hours....Pat has just closed the door. It is 6pm and Pat needs to finish up some work and then pack up and go home.

A knock sounds at the door.

Gasp! But Pat has closed the office!

Pat continues to pack up hoping that the student at the door will come to the inevitable conclusion that the door is closed and the lights are off- so the office must be closed. But no.....the student sees Pat through the window and decides to continue harassing.

Pat glances up with a look of annoyance. Having made eye contact, the student's hope is renewed. He knocks louder and longer and despite Pat's gesture to the clock, refuses to stop. Pat begins to grow concerned- obviously such persistence MUST be due to an emergency that only the assistant-secretary Pat can solve at this late hour, in this closed office. Pat opens the door.

The student is relieved and rushes through his demand, "Do you have a stapler I can borrow?"

But this isn't an emergency or any good reason to disturb Pat! "I'm sorry, no," Pat responds.

"Really? You don't?" The student stands in shock and dis-belief, not allowing Pat to close the door.

"No, I don't have a stapler for students' use," Pat is not Office Max.

The student is bewildered. Shouldn't the university be providing him with all of his school supplies?

The door closes in the student's face. He is forced to move along without his undeserved staples that he didn't pay for.

Where's The Math Department?

A student walks into the office, wide-eyed and clearly lost.

“Where’s the Math Department?” She demands in a panic.

“They would be downstairs.” Replies Pat….trying to go back to what Pat’s job actually is.

“Downstairs?”

“Yes,” Phyllis backs Pat up. Perhaps two witnesses will convince the student of the validity of the location.

“But ‘they’ told me it was in the *specific name omitted* building,” the student counters.

“Yes- this is the *specific name omitted* building,” Pat reassures.

“Yeah….they told me it was in this building,” the student persists.

“Right,” Pat is now confused, “The Math department is in this building….it’s just downstairs.” The blank look is still present on the student’s face. “Same building…different floor.” The student does not look convinced. “It is in this building- downstairs.”

The student begins to comprehend, “Ok. How do I get there?”

“Go downstairs,” Phyllis is getting cranky.

“There is an elevator to your left and the stairs are across the hall,” Pat tries to assist further.

The student stands for a few seconds, eyes rolling back in her head as she strains to process this new information. Finally she nods awkwardly, turns and marches directly across the hall and into a classroom. She stands in the doorway for a few seconds looking around wildly before backing out and inching to her right where the stairwell lies, masked to those with no common sense.

Phyllis and Pat exchange an incredulous look. “Really?” Asks Phyllis.

“I hate the first week of the semester,” replies Pat.