So, it's the first day of classes and Pat was quite shocked and pleased to find that it did not take over 20 minutes to find a parking spot. However......although the process of getting into work and parking was shorter....Pat did nearly get hit by a bus that was swerving to avoid some student riding their bike down the middle of the road. It's a good news, bad news thing.
I supposed Pat could just be relieved overall that a parking place was secured and no one was flattened by a bus.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Getting Downstairs
Lost Students flock to Pat's office like moths to a flame. (please excuse the cheesy metaphor)
"Where is classroom number 027?!" They demand, out of breath.
Pat attempts to calm them with a soothing tone,
"027 would be downstairs," Pat attempts to get back to work but the stress of being lost has depleted the student's brain cells.
"How do I get downstairs?"
Really???
"Most people just walk down the stairs. They're right across the hall." Pat points in the general direction.
The student turns and rushes off a little bit embarrassed and a little bit wiser.
"Where is classroom number 027?!" They demand, out of breath.
Pat attempts to calm them with a soothing tone,
"027 would be downstairs," Pat attempts to get back to work but the stress of being lost has depleted the student's brain cells.
"How do I get downstairs?"
Really???
"Most people just walk down the stairs. They're right across the hall." Pat points in the general direction.
The student turns and rushes off a little bit embarrassed and a little bit wiser.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Would You Like an Appointment with that Attitude?
A student calls the department.
Pat answers politely and professionally.
"Yeah, I need to talk to (an adviser...let's call her....Amy.) Amy."
Pat attempts to save the student some time.
"Were you wanting to make an appointment with her?"
Without warning the student's attitude rises suddenly. Surprise- it's little miss nasty,
"No! I wanted to talk to her!"
Well....just excuse Pat. Pat doesn't bother to tell the student that that won't be possible today as Amy is out of the office,
"Let me transfer you," Pat says instead.
Pat watches the clock. Two minutes later the phone rings the familiar number and Pat smiles a little. Pat answers and finds that little miss nasty is sounding a little bit frustrated and lost, not having reached her adviser. Not so cocky now, is she?
"Yeah....I need to talk with Amy."
Pat smiles smugly. Pat knew the student would be back with a slightly changed attitude. Pat's voice suddenly becomes sugary sweet and dripping with sarcasm.
"Would you like to make an appointment?"
Pat answers politely and professionally.
"Yeah, I need to talk to (an adviser...let's call her....Amy.) Amy."
Pat attempts to save the student some time.
"Were you wanting to make an appointment with her?"
Without warning the student's attitude rises suddenly. Surprise- it's little miss nasty,
"No! I wanted to talk to her!"
Well....just excuse Pat. Pat doesn't bother to tell the student that that won't be possible today as Amy is out of the office,
"Let me transfer you," Pat says instead.
Pat watches the clock. Two minutes later the phone rings the familiar number and Pat smiles a little. Pat answers and finds that little miss nasty is sounding a little bit frustrated and lost, not having reached her adviser. Not so cocky now, is she?
"Yeah....I need to talk with Amy."
Pat smiles smugly. Pat knew the student would be back with a slightly changed attitude. Pat's voice suddenly becomes sugary sweet and dripping with sarcasm.
"Would you like to make an appointment?"
Monday, August 23, 2010
It's That Time of Year Again
Fall semester is approaching and, as such is the case, Pat is back and has much to write about. Please join in the adventures of fall semester..........
The beginning of the semester means about 10 things for Pat:
1. Parking lots and University streets are crawling with student pedestrians that do not read signs, pay no attention to traffic laws and oncoming traffic, and will walk out straight in front of you despite the fact that they can obviously hear and see you car. Good luck parking or moving in your vehicle whatsoever everyone!
2. Clueless freshman are wondering lost throughout all hallways and believe that everyone office on their way is one big map , filled with tour guides whose sole purpose is to lead and direct them to all of their classrooms and destinations.
3. Everyone is trying to meet with their adviser. They are always shocked when the said adviser is not available and never understand that everyone else is also trying to meet with the adviser.
4. Every student that walks into Pat's department is trying to register at the last minute....instead of 3-4 months ago.
5. Every student is an exception and has a special case or story.
6. Students don't understand the concept of a waiting list and are trying to thrust add cards in your hands, begging for signatures.
7. Every adviser is on anti-depressants....or needs to be.
8. Administrative Support professionals, campus wide are considering quitting.
9. The phones ring constantly at the worst possible moment and although you may have gone for an hour and a half without a phone call, the second that it starts ringing two or three calls will come through at once.
10.Students park in employee parking and employees circle 2-3 lots searching for spots and spearing under their breathe.
The beginning of the semester means about 10 things for Pat:
1. Parking lots and University streets are crawling with student pedestrians that do not read signs, pay no attention to traffic laws and oncoming traffic, and will walk out straight in front of you despite the fact that they can obviously hear and see you car. Good luck parking or moving in your vehicle whatsoever everyone!
2. Clueless freshman are wondering lost throughout all hallways and believe that everyone office on their way is one big map , filled with tour guides whose sole purpose is to lead and direct them to all of their classrooms and destinations.
3. Everyone is trying to meet with their adviser. They are always shocked when the said adviser is not available and never understand that everyone else is also trying to meet with the adviser.
4. Every student that walks into Pat's department is trying to register at the last minute....instead of 3-4 months ago.
5. Every student is an exception and has a special case or story.
6. Students don't understand the concept of a waiting list and are trying to thrust add cards in your hands, begging for signatures.
7. Every adviser is on anti-depressants....or needs to be.
8. Administrative Support professionals, campus wide are considering quitting.
9. The phones ring constantly at the worst possible moment and although you may have gone for an hour and a half without a phone call, the second that it starts ringing two or three calls will come through at once.
10.Students park in employee parking and employees circle 2-3 lots searching for spots and spearing under their breathe.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Dear Students- A Prerequisite Is....
Dear Students,
It has come to my attention in the years that I have worked on campus that many of you have difficulty defining the term "Prerequisite" based on your utter lack of understanding when I utter this word. Allow me to define it for you and please take note:
pre·req·ui·site
–adjective
1.required beforehand
—Synonyms
2. requirement, requisite, essential, precondition.
Therefore, if class A is a prerequisite for class B then you MUST complete class A before you are eligible to take class B. There is no exception, no examinations and no override that can eliminate this requirement. Even if you feel that you are special and an exception to every rule, the policy stands. Your personal desire to establish your schedule in such a way will not change any of this.
From now on when I explain that it is a prerequisite, please understand the term I am using and do not drag on the conversation into a nonsensical argument. I have already answered your question and there is nothing more to discuss on the matter.
Sincerely,
Pat
It has come to my attention in the years that I have worked on campus that many of you have difficulty defining the term "Prerequisite" based on your utter lack of understanding when I utter this word. Allow me to define it for you and please take note:
pre·req·ui·site
–adjective
1.required beforehand
—Synonyms
2. requirement, requisite, essential, precondition.
Therefore, if class A is a prerequisite for class B then you MUST complete class A before you are eligible to take class B. There is no exception, no examinations and no override that can eliminate this requirement. Even if you feel that you are special and an exception to every rule, the policy stands. Your personal desire to establish your schedule in such a way will not change any of this.
From now on when I explain that it is a prerequisite, please understand the term I am using and do not drag on the conversation into a nonsensical argument. I have already answered your question and there is nothing more to discuss on the matter.
Sincerely,
Pat
Friday, April 30, 2010
Give Me the Code
A student calls at 5:30pm asking Pat for the "university code"? Pat has no idea what the student is talking about or why the student is talking to Pat.
"What code are you referring to?"
"The code that I need for my FAFSA."
Not a question for Pat's department at all. "Hold on, I am going to transfer you to financial aid," Pat tries to remain cheerful and helpful although this is a ridiculous waste of her time and the student has virtually no reason to be calling a random department within the university for this information.
The student is mumbling something to their parent in the background, "Wait! Are you sending me to the testing center?"
Did Pat say that? Why would Pat do that? "No....I am going to transfer you to a department that actually deals with FAFSA and financial aid,"
Pat doesn't wait for a response. pat hits transfer. Too bad no one will answer at financial aid for the student because the office is closed......still not Pat's problem.
"What code are you referring to?"
"The code that I need for my FAFSA."
Not a question for Pat's department at all. "Hold on, I am going to transfer you to financial aid," Pat tries to remain cheerful and helpful although this is a ridiculous waste of her time and the student has virtually no reason to be calling a random department within the university for this information.
The student is mumbling something to their parent in the background, "Wait! Are you sending me to the testing center?"
Did Pat say that? Why would Pat do that? "No....I am going to transfer you to a department that actually deals with FAFSA and financial aid,"
Pat doesn't wait for a response. pat hits transfer. Too bad no one will answer at financial aid for the student because the office is closed......still not Pat's problem.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Stamp This
The end of the semester brings out the ridiculousness in students.
A student walks into the department and asks Pat to stamp his paper received.
"Sure," replies Pat, "What professor is it for?"
"Actually it's for a professor in another department," The student replies.
"Oh....ok," Pat hands the paper back, "Take it to that department."
"Well, there's no one there."
"They should have a drop box or something if students are able to turn things in to the department," Pat has no idea why the student would come here in the first place and why he is not taking no for an answer.
"Yeah, but there's no one there to stamp it with the time. I need it stamped." The student seems to think that it is then Pat's responsibility to step in here.
Pat picks up her stamp, "This stamp is for this department. I stamp things and then I take them from the student and put it in the professor's box. I don't hand it back to the student...."
Phyllis is impatient just listening in, "We DON'T stamp for other departments. Sorry."
The student turns his pleading eyes back to Pat.
"Listen, this stamp means that it was received by our department- not another one. My stamping your paper is not going to help you. You could slap a random thing on there and it would mean about the same thing. It is never going to mean that it was received by that other department."
The student leaves disappointed. Ok.....now that was just silly.
A student walks into the department and asks Pat to stamp his paper received.
"Sure," replies Pat, "What professor is it for?"
"Actually it's for a professor in another department," The student replies.
"Oh....ok," Pat hands the paper back, "Take it to that department."
"Well, there's no one there."
"They should have a drop box or something if students are able to turn things in to the department," Pat has no idea why the student would come here in the first place and why he is not taking no for an answer.
"Yeah, but there's no one there to stamp it with the time. I need it stamped." The student seems to think that it is then Pat's responsibility to step in here.
Pat picks up her stamp, "This stamp is for this department. I stamp things and then I take them from the student and put it in the professor's box. I don't hand it back to the student...."
Phyllis is impatient just listening in, "We DON'T stamp for other departments. Sorry."
The student turns his pleading eyes back to Pat.
"Listen, this stamp means that it was received by our department- not another one. My stamping your paper is not going to help you. You could slap a random thing on there and it would mean about the same thing. It is never going to mean that it was received by that other department."
The student leaves disappointed. Ok.....now that was just silly.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
30 Minute Commute Excuse
A certain part-time professor is collecting final portfolios and specifically tells her students to have their work in to the department by 4pm.....because she is coming to pick them up at 4pm.
A student waltzes in at 4:35pm and informs Pat that she is dropping off a paper for this professor. Pat says ok and lets the student know that the professor has already come to pick them up.
"Oh- yeah, I know. I'm late," The student responds nonchalantly.
Pat is more concerned about the student missing this deadline than the student is.
"You might want to send your professor an e-mail and let her know that you have turned it in and it's in her box," Pat tries to help.
The student feels the need to defend her lateness at this point for some reason, "I live further away than most students....it takes me 30 minutes to get here so I didn't make it in time."
"ok....." replies a confused Pat. Pat doesn't know why the student is telling her this in the first place and in the 2nd place this is not a legitimate excuse for being late. Pat tries to get back to the point, "Seriously though, please send her an e-mail so that she knows that you turned it in. She may not physically come back to campus this semester and she will fail you if she assumed that you didn't turn it in." Pat assumes that this information should be pretty clear but it is apparently news to the student.
Pat should have just taken it without trying to help- it's the student's own fault. At the same time though, Pat does not want to see this student next semester coming in to file a complaint about her professor who failed her and claimed that she didn't turn in a paper when she did. Pat would be the one to deal with her though because she would come in to the department 30 minutes after it closed and Pat would be the only one there....she probably still won't be able to figure out that commuting time next semester.
As the student walks out of the room Phyllis makes a comment quite loudly, not caring if the girl hears. "I live 30 minutes away but it's fine because I just leave my house 30 minutes before I have to be here and I still get to work on time."
Pat and Phyllis have a good laugh.
A student waltzes in at 4:35pm and informs Pat that she is dropping off a paper for this professor. Pat says ok and lets the student know that the professor has already come to pick them up.
"Oh- yeah, I know. I'm late," The student responds nonchalantly.
Pat is more concerned about the student missing this deadline than the student is.
"You might want to send your professor an e-mail and let her know that you have turned it in and it's in her box," Pat tries to help.
The student feels the need to defend her lateness at this point for some reason, "I live further away than most students....it takes me 30 minutes to get here so I didn't make it in time."
"ok....." replies a confused Pat. Pat doesn't know why the student is telling her this in the first place and in the 2nd place this is not a legitimate excuse for being late. Pat tries to get back to the point, "Seriously though, please send her an e-mail so that she knows that you turned it in. She may not physically come back to campus this semester and she will fail you if she assumed that you didn't turn it in." Pat assumes that this information should be pretty clear but it is apparently news to the student.
Pat should have just taken it without trying to help- it's the student's own fault. At the same time though, Pat does not want to see this student next semester coming in to file a complaint about her professor who failed her and claimed that she didn't turn in a paper when she did. Pat would be the one to deal with her though because she would come in to the department 30 minutes after it closed and Pat would be the only one there....she probably still won't be able to figure out that commuting time next semester.
As the student walks out of the room Phyllis makes a comment quite loudly, not caring if the girl hears. "I live 30 minutes away but it's fine because I just leave my house 30 minutes before I have to be here and I still get to work on time."
Pat and Phyllis have a good laugh.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Take It Up With a Higher Authority
A certain obnoxious student is quite upset with the departmental adviser because they do not have enough credits to graduate. The adviser has explained that in order to receive a bachelor's degree you need to have completed a certain amount of credit hours. Most obnoxious students are not satisfied with a final word on the matter and prefer to speak to a "superior" or another individual that will do something to help them just to shut them up.
Pat explains that this amount of credit hours in not the departmental advisor's decision....it is not even the departmental chair's decision. It was not determined by the University president even. This is mandated by the state. Perhaps if the student continues to have a problem with these requirements he should take it up with his state representative.
The departmental chair recommends taking it up with the highest authority if he is going to continue to pursue this issue, "Take it up with God," She says. Perhaps He will take pity on this student, despite his rudeness, and send personal revelation to the advisor.....although the advisor says that she will need that in writing......
Best of luck obnocious student!
Pat explains that this amount of credit hours in not the departmental advisor's decision....it is not even the departmental chair's decision. It was not determined by the University president even. This is mandated by the state. Perhaps if the student continues to have a problem with these requirements he should take it up with his state representative.
The departmental chair recommends taking it up with the highest authority if he is going to continue to pursue this issue, "Take it up with God," She says. Perhaps He will take pity on this student, despite his rudeness, and send personal revelation to the advisor.....although the advisor says that she will need that in writing......
Best of luck obnocious student!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Enjoying Delight
Pat is a friendly person. In fact, Pat pretty much likes everybody. But sometimes......certain individuals scare Pat. There is an individual, an employee at the University cafeteria, that has such an effect on Pat. Being located relatively close to the cafeteria, this individual who shall hereafter be referred to as Shelby, pops into Pat's office to make random comments or odd facial expressions on a daily basis.
Pat can't quite put a finger on the particular reason that Shelby makes Pat so uncomfortable and uneasy.....perhaps it is simply everything about Shelby. Shelby may appear to be harmless, random and especially odd but Pat sometimes wonders if Shelby might have a darker and angrier side. Pat still behaves in a very friendly manner around Shelby because Pat does not dislike Shelby in anyway....and also because if Shelby ever came to campus with a weapon, for any given, reason Pat would like to be spared. Pat finds that it's best to prepare for possible psychotic episodes in advance.
Today Shelby popped her head in and mumbled, "Enjoy your delight," with absolutely no expression on her face.
Pat looked around....."Umm....ok," Pat replies.
Pat does not know what to make of this. I guess that Pat will just do Pat's best to enjoy that delight....whatever that may be.
Pat can't quite put a finger on the particular reason that Shelby makes Pat so uncomfortable and uneasy.....perhaps it is simply everything about Shelby. Shelby may appear to be harmless, random and especially odd but Pat sometimes wonders if Shelby might have a darker and angrier side. Pat still behaves in a very friendly manner around Shelby because Pat does not dislike Shelby in anyway....and also because if Shelby ever came to campus with a weapon, for any given, reason Pat would like to be spared. Pat finds that it's best to prepare for possible psychotic episodes in advance.
Today Shelby popped her head in and mumbled, "Enjoy your delight," with absolutely no expression on her face.
Pat looked around....."Umm....ok," Pat replies.
Pat does not know what to make of this. I guess that Pat will just do Pat's best to enjoy that delight....whatever that may be.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Voice Mails and Psychic Abilities
Why do students assume that you can instantly assist them with any problems when they have left you no information?
Today Pat found a message on her voice mail from a student claiming that the department was preventing them from registering for their particular classes. Could Pat fix the problem and call the student back?
Well student, Pat could easily look up the problem if you had left your student identification number. Even if you had mentioned in passing what your name was that would have been helpful. Instead, you ask Pat to assist you and then do not tell Pat who you are or provide Pat with the necessary information to view you records. Dear simple minded student....that is not helpful.
The only thing that Pat can do is call you back and get your voice mail (of course) and leave you a message telling you that Pat needs to know who you are and then Pat can gladly look up your information and get an answer for you. You have made this process far more difficult than it needs to be.
Now, I know that the message on the voice mail box did not specify this....but Pat has no psychic ability. Pat cannot sense that your name is George Smithson. Pat cannot close Pat's eyes and concentrate and feel that your have a hold on your records. I'm sorry students- Pat cannot do this. If these abilities were required then perhaps the department should have been a bit more specific with Pat's job description.
So.....in conclusion.....unless the message on the voice mail says: "You've reached Pat! I already know who you are and what you want, so just go ahead and hang up because your magical answer is....(fill in the blank)" You are going to need to be more specific.
Today Pat found a message on her voice mail from a student claiming that the department was preventing them from registering for their particular classes. Could Pat fix the problem and call the student back?
Well student, Pat could easily look up the problem if you had left your student identification number. Even if you had mentioned in passing what your name was that would have been helpful. Instead, you ask Pat to assist you and then do not tell Pat who you are or provide Pat with the necessary information to view you records. Dear simple minded student....that is not helpful.
The only thing that Pat can do is call you back and get your voice mail (of course) and leave you a message telling you that Pat needs to know who you are and then Pat can gladly look up your information and get an answer for you. You have made this process far more difficult than it needs to be.
Now, I know that the message on the voice mail box did not specify this....but Pat has no psychic ability. Pat cannot sense that your name is George Smithson. Pat cannot close Pat's eyes and concentrate and feel that your have a hold on your records. I'm sorry students- Pat cannot do this. If these abilities were required then perhaps the department should have been a bit more specific with Pat's job description.
So.....in conclusion.....unless the message on the voice mail says: "You've reached Pat! I already know who you are and what you want, so just go ahead and hang up because your magical answer is....(fill in the blank)" You are going to need to be more specific.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Please Tell Me Who I'm Looking For
A student walks into the office- "Yes! I'm looking for....."
She pauses and looks to Pat for help. "I forget her name."
Pat kind of needs a name in order to direct her to the appropriate office. There are a lot of professors that work in this department.
"Start naming female professors," the spunky student demands of Pat.
Umm.....no, Pat thinks and gestures to the board beside her on the wall that lists all full time faculty. Pat does not have time for such a request. That's why there's a directory.....and Pat is not the directory.
The student studies the board but continues to press Pat. "She teaches (insert course name here)."
Everyone in this department teaches (insert course name here). This is the (insert course name here) department.
The student spots the professor on the list on the wall. "Oh- this is her," She informs Pat.
"Great- you found her," Pat replies. The professor's office number is written right next to the name that the student has located. Pat doesn't believe that she should need to read it for her. .....but she wants to save herself some time, "Down the hall,"
The pushy student bounds off in pursuit of.....who was she looking for again??....
She pauses and looks to Pat for help. "I forget her name."
Pat kind of needs a name in order to direct her to the appropriate office. There are a lot of professors that work in this department.
"Start naming female professors," the spunky student demands of Pat.
Umm.....no, Pat thinks and gestures to the board beside her on the wall that lists all full time faculty. Pat does not have time for such a request. That's why there's a directory.....and Pat is not the directory.
The student studies the board but continues to press Pat. "She teaches (insert course name here)."
Everyone in this department teaches (insert course name here). This is the (insert course name here) department.
The student spots the professor on the list on the wall. "Oh- this is her," She informs Pat.
"Great- you found her," Pat replies. The professor's office number is written right next to the name that the student has located. Pat doesn't believe that she should need to read it for her. .....but she wants to save herself some time, "Down the hall,"
The pushy student bounds off in pursuit of.....who was she looking for again??....
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Can I Really Make An Appointment With You?
Pat comes into the office and checks the voice mail. Pat hears a confused student's voice on the line.
Pat wonders why students question whether or not they should actually be calling the department to make an appointment with the departmental adviser. Is that so strange a concept? Perhaps the student was confused because the extension went to voice mail. I'm calling to make an appointment but no one is answering. Didn't they say to call this number?
Pat checks the message details. The message was left the night before at 7:16pm. Did the student really expect someone to answer then to set up an appointment with her? Did she assume that an extension that makes an appointment was available 24/7?
Why all of the disbelief, Pat wonders. Pat is willing an able to make an appointment for the adviser. Student's need not question Pat's ability. It actually is part of Pat's job description unlike so many other things that students request....
"Umm...I need to make an appointment with the adviser. I was told that I should call this number to make an appointment with the adviser. She has recorded on her voice mail to call this number so that's why I did. I guess I'll just leave a message here then...."
Pat wonders why students question whether or not they should actually be calling the department to make an appointment with the departmental adviser. Is that so strange a concept? Perhaps the student was confused because the extension went to voice mail. I'm calling to make an appointment but no one is answering. Didn't they say to call this number?
Pat checks the message details. The message was left the night before at 7:16pm. Did the student really expect someone to answer then to set up an appointment with her? Did she assume that an extension that makes an appointment was available 24/7?
Why all of the disbelief, Pat wonders. Pat is willing an able to make an appointment for the adviser. Student's need not question Pat's ability. It actually is part of Pat's job description unlike so many other things that students request....
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Productivity and Blindness
Pat got a lot accomplished today at work. Pat was very proud! The only downside to the afternoon was being blinded by the copy machine. Pat got a little excited making copies and kept right on pushing that button without closing the lid. The searing head-ache following the blinding light striking Pat's retina made Pat sorry. Pat slowed down after that. Productivity should not end in blindness.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Vending Machine Woes
A distraught student bursts into the office. "The vending machine stole my money!" He announces.
I'm really sorry for your loss, Pat thinks, wondering why she is being informed of this tragedy.
"Who do I talk to about that?" The student continues, finally realizing that Pat has nothing to do with the machine.
It is certainly no one in this office, obviously. "I'm not the one that could tell you that. Why don't you check at the student information center? They may know who you would need to talk to about it," Pat turns back to Pat's work.
The student remains in the doorway. "Well....I'm just on a break between classes...." he goes on expectantly.
"Ok" Pat replies, not really needing to know the students' personal schedule.
Pat thinks: What does he want from me? Obviously I am not on a break here at work and I have a desk full of paperwork that I shouldn't have to leave to attempt to hunt down whoever is over vending machines.
The student finally turns and walks down the hall to the student information center. Pat hates when students wonder into the nearest department over every little thing that is going on at the University.
I'm really sorry for your loss, Pat thinks, wondering why she is being informed of this tragedy.
"Who do I talk to about that?" The student continues, finally realizing that Pat has nothing to do with the machine.
It is certainly no one in this office, obviously. "I'm not the one that could tell you that. Why don't you check at the student information center? They may know who you would need to talk to about it," Pat turns back to Pat's work.
The student remains in the doorway. "Well....I'm just on a break between classes...." he goes on expectantly.
"Ok" Pat replies, not really needing to know the students' personal schedule.
Pat thinks: What does he want from me? Obviously I am not on a break here at work and I have a desk full of paperwork that I shouldn't have to leave to attempt to hunt down whoever is over vending machines.
The student finally turns and walks down the hall to the student information center. Pat hates when students wonder into the nearest department over every little thing that is going on at the University.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Strains of an Amateur Musician
The strains of an amateur musician waft through the department door. Pat looks around….no…..this is still an office, not a concert hall. Who, pray tell, is disrupting Pat’s work environment? ‘Tis a traveling minstrel! Or in other words, it’s a pathetic college student that is desperate for attention and just because he owns a guitar he thinks that he is appealing and everyone within ear range must be subjected to his music….and so he continues in his quest to make himself obnoxiously heard.
Pat goes to the door and makes a point of glaring at the minstrel before pulling the office door closed. The office is closing five minutes early today and it is all his fault- Pat cannot take anymore. What’s worse about this student is that he is accomplishing his quest for attention and is flocked with young girls that romanticize his whiny voice. Although they are all college-aged and many could be classified as women, Pat would still use the term “girl” based on the immature manner in which they drool over this wanna-be and are so smitten with ridiculousness. They run their fingers through his hair and sway from side to side, eyes closed, as they relate to his lyrics about daydreams and clouds. Surely there must be drugs involved, Pat concludes.
Pat has the sudden urge to march out there, grab the little ladies by there ears and march them back home to their mothers while shouting to the lad, "You! Get out of hear!" His placement is inappropriate and he should be aware that he is obnoxious. Pat remains at the desk seething instead, trying to prevent making a scene.
Pat goes to the door and makes a point of glaring at the minstrel before pulling the office door closed. The office is closing five minutes early today and it is all his fault- Pat cannot take anymore. What’s worse about this student is that he is accomplishing his quest for attention and is flocked with young girls that romanticize his whiny voice. Although they are all college-aged and many could be classified as women, Pat would still use the term “girl” based on the immature manner in which they drool over this wanna-be and are so smitten with ridiculousness. They run their fingers through his hair and sway from side to side, eyes closed, as they relate to his lyrics about daydreams and clouds. Surely there must be drugs involved, Pat concludes.
Pat has the sudden urge to march out there, grab the little ladies by there ears and march them back home to their mothers while shouting to the lad, "You! Get out of hear!" His placement is inappropriate and he should be aware that he is obnoxious. Pat remains at the desk seething instead, trying to prevent making a scene.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Delusions of Playing Catch-Up
A student comes into the office and asks if they can add a class.
The answer is no- it is passed the add deadline.
The student keeps asking anyway.
The answer is still no. We are now an entire month into the semester.
The student wants to know if he can just play "catch-up"
Pat is going to go with.....NO! We are a third of the way through the semester.
Perhaps the student believes in crazy university miracles.....maybe he would like to get into classes from last semester that have already ended and just play catch up there as well. Sure. Why not? Would you like fries with that magical order?
The answer is no- it is passed the add deadline.
The student keeps asking anyway.
The answer is still no. We are now an entire month into the semester.
The student wants to know if he can just play "catch-up"
Pat is going to go with.....NO! We are a third of the way through the semester.
Perhaps the student believes in crazy university miracles.....maybe he would like to get into classes from last semester that have already ended and just play catch up there as well. Sure. Why not? Would you like fries with that magical order?
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
Too Late to Add…Too Later For Pat.
A knock sounds at the department door, once again after hours. Pat has turned the light off and is shutting down for the night. The student spots Pat through the window and is staring.
Pat attempts to make as little movement as possible hoping that the student will just go away.
The student continues to stare.
Pat gets up makes Pat’s way toward the rear exit.
The student begins to knock.
Really??? You see me leaving. Pat thinks.
Pat cracks the door hoping that the small opening will encourage the student to make it quick. “Can I help you?” Pat attempts to force some friendliness…
“Yeah…I need to get into a class.” The student is barking up the wrong tree. The semester started three weeks ago.
“I’m sorry that’s no longer a possibility.” Pat informs.
“So….I can’t add the class?” The student is putting it together quickly now.
“No you can’t. If you wanted to add the class you would have had to do it by last week. Now you have passed the last day to add,” It makes sense to Pat- why does Pat have to repeat the same thing so many times?
“But I went to the class today and…“
Pat doesn’t have time for this, “Nope. Sorry.”
“I’ve attended the class and-“
“You still can’t add it,” Just because the University does not place guards at the entrance of every classroom to verify student enrollment does not mean that students can walk into any class they want and then demand that they be let in because they have been attending- despite the fact that it is full. They can attend all they want- they aren’t getting credit for the course unless they ate properly enrolled.
The student is still opening his mouth to protest but he should be saving his breath. The office is closed, it’s too late to add and Pat doesn’t care.
Pat closes the door and uses the rear exit.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Can I Use A Stapler?
We join Pat once again in the department after hours....Pat has just closed the door. It is 6pm and Pat needs to finish up some work and then pack up and go home.
A knock sounds at the door.
Gasp! But Pat has closed the office!
Pat continues to pack up hoping that the student at the door will come to the inevitable conclusion that the door is closed and the lights are off- so the office must be closed. But no.....the student sees Pat through the window and decides to continue harassing.
Pat glances up with a look of annoyance. Having made eye contact, the student's hope is renewed. He knocks louder and longer and despite Pat's gesture to the clock, refuses to stop. Pat begins to grow concerned- obviously such persistence MUST be due to an emergency that only the assistant-secretary Pat can solve at this late hour, in this closed office. Pat opens the door.
The student is relieved and rushes through his demand, "Do you have a stapler I can borrow?"
But this isn't an emergency or any good reason to disturb Pat! "I'm sorry, no," Pat responds.
"Really? You don't?" The student stands in shock and dis-belief, not allowing Pat to close the door.
"No, I don't have a stapler for students' use," Pat is not Office Max.
The student is bewildered. Shouldn't the university be providing him with all of his school supplies?
The door closes in the student's face. He is forced to move along without his undeserved staples that he didn't pay for.
A knock sounds at the door.
Gasp! But Pat has closed the office!
Pat continues to pack up hoping that the student at the door will come to the inevitable conclusion that the door is closed and the lights are off- so the office must be closed. But no.....the student sees Pat through the window and decides to continue harassing.
Pat glances up with a look of annoyance. Having made eye contact, the student's hope is renewed. He knocks louder and longer and despite Pat's gesture to the clock, refuses to stop. Pat begins to grow concerned- obviously such persistence MUST be due to an emergency that only the assistant-secretary Pat can solve at this late hour, in this closed office. Pat opens the door.
The student is relieved and rushes through his demand, "Do you have a stapler I can borrow?"
But this isn't an emergency or any good reason to disturb Pat! "I'm sorry, no," Pat responds.
"Really? You don't?" The student stands in shock and dis-belief, not allowing Pat to close the door.
"No, I don't have a stapler for students' use," Pat is not Office Max.
The student is bewildered. Shouldn't the university be providing him with all of his school supplies?
The door closes in the student's face. He is forced to move along without his undeserved staples that he didn't pay for.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Where's The Math Department?
A student walks into the office, wide-eyed and clearly lost.
“Where’s the Math Department?” She demands in a panic.
“They would be downstairs.” Replies Pat….trying to go back to what Pat’s job actually is.
“Downstairs?”
“Yes,” Phyllis backs Pat up. Perhaps two witnesses will convince the student of the validity of the location.
“But ‘they’ told me it was in the *specific name omitted* building,” the student counters.
“Yes- this is the *specific name omitted* building,” Pat reassures.
“Yeah….they told me it was in this building,” the student persists.
“Right,” Pat is now confused, “The Math department is in this building….it’s just downstairs.” The blank look is still present on the student’s face. “Same building…different floor.” The student does not look convinced. “It is in this building- downstairs.”
The student begins to comprehend, “Ok. How do I get there?”
“Go downstairs,” Phyllis is getting cranky.
“There is an elevator to your left and the stairs are across the hall,” Pat tries to assist further.
The student stands for a few seconds, eyes rolling back in her head as she strains to process this new information. Finally she nods awkwardly, turns and marches directly across the hall and into a classroom. She stands in the doorway for a few seconds looking around wildly before backing out and inching to her right where the stairwell lies, masked to those with no common sense.
Phyllis and Pat exchange an incredulous look. “Really?” Asks Phyllis.
“I hate the first week of the semester,” replies Pat.
“Where’s the Math Department?” She demands in a panic.
“They would be downstairs.” Replies Pat….trying to go back to what Pat’s job actually is.
“Downstairs?”
“Yes,” Phyllis backs Pat up. Perhaps two witnesses will convince the student of the validity of the location.
“But ‘they’ told me it was in the *specific name omitted* building,” the student counters.
“Yes- this is the *specific name omitted* building,” Pat reassures.
“Yeah….they told me it was in this building,” the student persists.
“Right,” Pat is now confused, “The Math department is in this building….it’s just downstairs.” The blank look is still present on the student’s face. “Same building…different floor.” The student does not look convinced. “It is in this building- downstairs.”
The student begins to comprehend, “Ok. How do I get there?”
“Go downstairs,” Phyllis is getting cranky.
“There is an elevator to your left and the stairs are across the hall,” Pat tries to assist further.
The student stands for a few seconds, eyes rolling back in her head as she strains to process this new information. Finally she nods awkwardly, turns and marches directly across the hall and into a classroom. She stands in the doorway for a few seconds looking around wildly before backing out and inching to her right where the stairwell lies, masked to those with no common sense.
Phyllis and Pat exchange an incredulous look. “Really?” Asks Phyllis.
“I hate the first week of the semester,” replies Pat.
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